If you worked with me last year, you already know—I went deep into Jerry Colonna’s work. His book Reboot wrecked me in the best way possible. I read it slowly, chewed on it, sat with it, and let it change how I think about leadership. And in that deep dive, I came across something else of his that stuck with me: the OFNR framework for communication.
This little acronym is pure gold when it comes to handling tough conversations—especially when you’re dealing with team conflict. Because let’s be honest: conflict is inevitable. How you handle it? That’s what makes or breaks your leadership.
The OFNR Framework: What It Is and Why It Works
OFNR stands for:
- Observation – State what happened without judgment. Just the facts.
- Feeling – Express how that observation makes you feel.
- Need – Identify what you need in order to move forward.
- Request – Make a clear, actionable request.
Sounds simple, right? But most people don’t communicate like this. Instead, they either:
- Avoid the conversation entirely and let resentment build.
- Come in hot, making it personal and defensive.
- Dance around the issue so much that no one even knows what they’re asking for.
OFNR cuts through all of that. It keeps the conversation productive, solution-focused, and (mostly) free of unnecessary drama.
How to Use This When Your Team is Driving You Crazy
Let’s say you’ve got a team member who keeps missing deadlines. Normally, you’d be tempted to say something like, “You’re always late on this stuff. I don’t know if you just don’t care or what, but it’s really frustrating.”
Cue defensiveness, excuses, and absolutely no change in behavior.
Instead, try this:
- Observation: “The last three deadlines have been missed.”
- Feeling: “This makes me frustrated and worried because it puts extra stress on the team.”
- Need: “I need reliability and clear expectations so we can all stay on track.”
- Request: “Can we put a check-in system in place to ensure we’re on top of things?”
Now, instead of an argument, you’re having a conversation. Instead of a vague complaint, you’ve made a clear request. And instead of a defensive spiral, you’re creating an opportunity for real change.
Why This Works (And Why It’s Hard to Do at First)
Most of us weren’t trained to communicate this way. We either grew up avoiding conflict or charging headfirst into it. OFNR forces you to slow down, get clear on what you’re actually upset about, and make a request that’s actually fixable.
- It keeps you from making assumptions about intent.
- It forces you to separate facts from emotions (which, let’s be honest, most people don’t do naturally).
- It gives the other person a way to respond constructively instead of just reacting.
Try It This Week
If you’ve got a tough conversation coming up—or one you’ve been avoiding—try running it through the OFNR framework first. Write it out if you have to. See what shifts when you approach it with clarity instead of frustration.
Because conflict itself isn’t the problem. It’s how you handle it that determines whether your team grows stronger or falls apart.
And if you haven’t read Reboot yet? Do yourself a favor and grab a copy. Just be prepared to sit with some uncomfortable truths—because Jerry does not let you off the hook.